I had recently and unwittingly lost a lot of weight, looked and felt awful. And the only advice I could find online seemed to apply exclusively to bodybuilders. I honestly didn't think I belonged in the realm of whey powder and egg whites...

I had been in the throes of the first few months of recovery from about seven years of moderate yet unrelenting restriction. My body was in crisis, unable to walk or stand for more than a short while, puffy and achy and unbearable in the way that so many people on this site are so familiar with...

I had struggled with an eating disorder throughout my teens, but I was entirely free for most of my twenties. I had no idea, then, that it could creep back in so easily. There came a bout of flu, a family tragedy, an appetite lost, a door left ajar...A few months into recovery, I would fixate on this background. I “only” starved for two years; I was never “that bad”

Still, it all seemed so unfair—the swelling and pain, which had shifted from my muscles to my joints and bones, were not improving, and sometimes worsening.

"You will strive and strive for success, but you will not enjoy any of it, not even for a day— because you will be so utterly consumed by what you weigh, how big your stomach is, how huge your thighs are..."